FINDING THE WORTH

We are a generation and a society of “work”—over-packed schedules, project after project, assignment after assignment. My weekly agenda is a rainbow of obligations, meetings, deadlines, and to-do lists, and sometimes, I often forget the reason that I do everything. It is so easy to get caught up in the work-load, and before we know it, the “it” doesn’t seem worth it anymore. This leads to exhaustion and even burn-out. Why do we do this? Why do we overload ourselves to the point of no longer seeing a point? Why do we drive ourselves to be so exhausted that we no longer find joy or worth in the things that we do? It does not have to be like this. Throughout my college experience, I have learned the value of a retrospective lens: the ability to look back and see the bigger picture, the overall worth. I have had to do the work to the point of exhaustion but have also learned to look back on it with a sense of pride and accomplishment. It has prevented me from burning out so many times and has taught me a crucial life lesson: just because it does not seem worth it now does not mean it will not be worth it in the end. In fact, it may turn out to be so much more rewarding than you ever thought it would be.

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In one of my methods classes—Classroom Instruments, MUED 107—we focused on lab teaching and discussion of different musical projects we could do using classroom instruments like recorders, ukulele, drums, and other percussion instruments. One of our final projects at the end of the semester was to collaborate as a class, using the scaffolding techniques we had discussed, to come up with a mashup of three different songs: “Little Wheel A-Turnin’ in My Heart” (a folk song), “Blowin’ in the Wind” by Bob Dylan, and “Everyday People” by Sly & the Family Stone. We arranged them for different instruments and created a unique composition. The next portion of the project was to create a presentation or video that went along with our arrangement that portrayed a positive message. There were few guidelines, leaving endless room for creativity. Of course, me being the overachiever, over-loading person that I am decided to create an original video that would capture me creating a painting that portrayed unity. It was kind of a monstrous plan in comparison to what was required. I had this entire perfect vision in mind and was so excited. I asked a friend of mine to help me produce it and asked lots of friends to help me make it. We met one morning on the Horseshoe, and that’s when reality hit. I had to beg to get people to come help, and along with that, I had about five million other things that I had to do to finish the project. I was anxious and upset and really wanted to throw in the towel and give up. Thanks to some awesome friends, however, I did the exact opposite. We made do with what we had and created an awesome video. When it came time to present, I could not be prouder of the work that we had done and the vision that I had (along with my really awesome producer, Graeme). My professor was so impressed that she even asked if she could show it to the dean of the School of Music. Looking back, while the workload of the project was stressful and the process tougher than I realized, I would not change a single thing. To this day, it is one of my favorite things I have ever had a hand in creating.

Fast forward to teaching in a music room. This lesson plays such an important part. In one of my elementary school lessons, I was teaching a third-grade class how to play as an ensemble with different instruments playing different musical ideas. They had little to no experience with these instruments, so I definitely had my work cut out for me. I went through the lesson as I had written it, and at the conclusion of the lesson, I reflected on what happened and at first remembered all of the chaos and wanted to immediately say that I had failed as a teacher and that the lesson was a disaster. Upon further reflection, however, I knew this to not be true. We were still in the working phase. I could not expect the lesson or ensemble to have been perfect. These are third graders, not professional musicians. They are not worried about playing it perfectly. They want to be creative. They want to have fun and be better musicians. By using my retrospective lens in this way, I realized that the lesson had done its job. The students had fun. They worked together and were creative. Some even played the music correctly (which is always a nice boost of motivation). Sure, at the time, I felt overwhelmed and tired and wanted to quit because nothing seemed to be going right, but at the end of the day, everything went right that needed to go right.

Going forward, it’s important to remember that it is dangerously easy to let the workload get in the way of the worth. Don’t lose sight of the worthiness of what you do. Reflect always on the things you accomplish and take pride in the process of going from point A to point B. Believe it will be worth it in the end. Never lose the retrospective lens, and always keep pushing through the workload. It will be worth it.